TGIT

Of course Thursday's are a great day because that's usually when I post my blog, but I have another reason to rejoice. Today I have my first ever psychiatrist appointment! Maybe that doesn't sound like the most exciting thing ever, but to me it's the best! As a growing teenager, I've been through it. Not really so much in the life experience aspect, but rather in the mental mess-ups aspect. I've been through pretty much every up and down. From the calling my mom feeling super lonely, to once again calling her feeling super depressed about life, to long distance relationships, to being in love, to the impatience of a career, to work stress, I could go on and on. Get the picture? Of course most people deal with these things, but I'm having a really hard time balancing my feelings and still managing my life. A lot of people have told me that this is all a part of growing up, which it totally is. But I'm taking a precautionary course to see if maybe there's something more to my mental state or if there's something I can do to better manage it all. I'm not saying I'm crazy, but I feel crazy. Can anyone relate? There are a few things through my research into what I've been going through that I could think to be a culprit. Research meaning talking to my family until they were literally like, "JUST GO SEE THE DAMN DOCTOR MADISON." Birth control. Birth control could be a possible issue in my mental cycle. I'm super emotional and cry at pretty much anything. I cried on the subway when I heard a baby crying. And it wasn't even cute! Birth control has been found to make some girls go crazy, super emotional and feel really unstable. Maybe that's it. Thyroids. My family had a thyroid issue on my moms side, so that imbalance could be effecting me mentally. Thankfully, I had a blood test done by my doctor to check, so hopefully when the results come in, I'm good! My eating disorder. Now I do believe a part of my mental issues have to do with my eating disorder. I have come a long way, but an eating disorder will always be there. The trick is learning how to manage. I have learned how to manage, but maybe those scars are starting to bleed into what I'm going through now. Loneliness. Have you ever felt lonely? It's the worst feeling ever. You go from feeling super unmotivated to hating life and then hating yourself. When all you really want to do is just sit and talk to someone you know after a long day. The city especially plays a part in loneliness. I'm bored. Boredom is another sneaky feeling. For me, if I'm doing nothing on a free day, I feel like the biggest loser in the world. Even if I deserve a day off, I still love to go go go. Thankfully I'm coping and I joined a gym to combat it. Honestly, who knows what it could be? All I can say now is I'm letting it all hang out when I see this doctor today. I will update you all on my blog once I find out. Wish me luck! And just know, if you're in a bad mental state, it's okay to get help. And know you're not alone. Just read my blog!