It All Started with a Stingray

It all started with a stingray. Second day on the beautiful beach of Siesta Key in Sarasota, Florida, my mother and I decided to take a dip in the clear, beautiful, bath-water like ocean. "Just let go," my mother kept repeating to me as she would float amid the waves. Just letting her body float with the motion of the waves. As I had the constant fear of a shark coming up and eating me, I wasn't in the vibe. I decided to just try it. As I began to "let go" a huge wave came over me and splashed my face. Recovering from the salt in my nose, I decided to walk back in discouragement. As I stepped it felt as though a fish hook came over my toe and ran away. Immediately pain came over me and when I popped my foot up, blood everywhere. I ranged from passing out to wanting to die to trying to run away from my pain, literally! After a visit to urgent care, I was on antibiotics and feeling better four hours later, nothing major or life-threatening at all. Regardless, the rest of my trip was beautiful! So what does a stingray have to do with anything besides bad luck? Well, this stingray taught me the meaning of letting it go. If I had just let go then, my foot wouldn't have a scar right now. That trip was also a last minute thing mainly because I was feeling really down since my boyfriend went back to California. Coming back from the trip I was a mess. My anxiety, negativity and depression were through the roof. I was sad because my boyfriend was gone, I was feeling lonely, I was feeling really depressed and wanting to give up on life and I was crying out to everyone for help. I started talking to my counselor once again because I just couldn't handle the pain. I was also missing my family on top of that and was and am still going through a little transition with life and career. Appropriate since it's almost been one year since I've been in New York. It's a really tough thing being in love and being long distance. It's also tough being on your own and being away from home. Taunted by the same feelings of homesickness last year, I knew how to heal myself with that. But the love part was something I had no idea about. Through the advice of my counselor, mentors and friends of mine I realize now you can't be too serious long distance. I also realize plugging all my emotion into one person isn't healthy either. I chose my happiness no one else does. Also, I know that I need a male figure in my life, not a boyfriend, but a grown man. I can't use my daddy issues to find resurrection in my boyfriend. When he's gone, I hate it here. I feel like I can't go on and enjoy life because I miss him and I want to experience it with him. I know now, I need to explore more. I need to go out and meet people and find things that make me happy. Things that I can look forward to each week and will distract me from those thoughts. Something like a gym membership. That's right, I caved in and got a gym membership! And it's awesome. I look forward to it every day and I'm already meeting new people. It makes me feel a sense of community and it genuinely makes me happy. One thing I've learned is that whenever you feel really down, go out. No matter if it's a walk by yourself or a date with a friend. Get out! I also have learned the virtue of patience. Not fully, but I'm getting there, especially with planning things each day. I get so down because I want my boyfriend here, I miss my family, I want to move, I want to travel and I want my career to go somewhere. But I know that it will all come, I just need to stay proactive and do things each day that will make me feel like I'm propelling forward. Most importantly, this all has to do with the idea of letting go. Surrender. Surrender to the things you can't change, surrender to the things that aren't in your control, surrender to worry, give it up! Surrender to fear, it's your friend. Surrender to negativity, become its manager. Surrender to happiness, it's there you just have to start feeling it. The answers are all inside me and so is my love and my home. I take my love and my home with me, no one takes that away from me. I can give and take, but I'll never run out of my supply. It's been a really hard transition recently, growing up and going through these emotions. But I know it's all for my good and it's in His plan. For I am not alone, I am strong, it IS getting better and this is in my will. I can't wait to laugh about this too. I'm already laughing about the stingray!