I've Edited This Blog Three Times

Breaking up is hard to do, especially if you're still in love. And I am still in love. A love that feels like a loss in the family type of love. A love where you feel the most beautiful no matter what type of love. A love that I thought maybe could last forever type of love. To be fair we were very young, but age is just a number. The break up came down to two things. Long distance and our career paths. The hardest part is feeling like the person you loved so hard didn't want you to be apart of their journey any more. Just because I'm hours away doesn't mean I can't be there to support and love you. Woman go through a lot during a break up, no matter if it's six months or six years. We all think and feel the same thing. Unmotivated, not wanting to go on, that we will never find another like him, like we won't find another love again, that we are wrong and it's something we did. And in reality ladies, it's usually not us. Of course if you cheat or are the worst person on earth to hang out with, then maybe evaluate that. But why do we put ourselves through this endless cycle of torture because we feel as though it's something that's wrong with us? And when there is a breakup, we analyze everything before, during and after. I have questions that constantly run through my mind still. Questions like was I worth it? Was I special to him? Did he really love me? Was he thinking of breaking up for a long time? To be fair in my case, I knew this was coming because mentally it was bringing me down and distracting me. But we are woman and we love unconditionally, no matter what the circumstance. Even if we break up, we want answers, we have questions and if it's us doing it, we want to explain everything. Guys I've learned are cut and dry. One day after, it was "Facebook official". It sounds pathetic, but that was tough. It's like once guys are done, they're done. And unlike woman, they'll find their coping mechanism in seeing someone else or completely shutting you out. That's also another tough part for me I'm sure many ladies can relate to. The whole "I wonder if he's seeing someone else?," "what if she's better looking than me?," "what if he falls in love and forgets about me?" All these questions and then the whole, "he ain't gonna find no one like me!," "he's making a huge mistake," "I'm freaking awesome and I deserve better," thoughts come in. It's true ladies, we are lovely human beings and we always deserve better. We shouldn't settle for a partner who will only put in so much effort. Those are boys and we need men. I've learned when you aren't trying, you will find it. I did love the man I was with hard for six months and I wasn't trying to find him, he found me. But I'm done trying. I am who I am and I will find someone to love it all completely. Love is hard, it's complicated and it's cruel sometimes. But life is meant to be easy and so is love. And if it's hard, that's something you should look at. Ladies, take the time to love yourselves first. Be a little selfish. Cherish and take care of yourself and the things that make you happy. I'm going to work hard on myself mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and career wise. I'm going to kick ass because I know I can. I take it from Beyoncé, us ladies run the world. And we are worth it.