Forever Nineteen

Let's look at this year. What a year it has been. If I would've told myself senior year that'd I'd be in this place in my life now, I would've probably laughed and a part of me would've agreed. I always knew in high school and through my life that bigger things were meant to be. Going into high school, I went in with the mentality that this is just four important years of education and I'll be out soon. And by senior year, I was set on changing my life, I didn't know how, but I knew I could do it. June 29th, 2015 I was celebrating my eighteenth after my recent graduation and grad party, at a brunch at my grandmothers with my close family. All gifts were to aid my college dorm room. I was excited, but a part of me wasn't. Why wasn't I excited? Because in my heart I knew college wasn't for me. I was smart, school came easy and I would be the first in the family to graduate college, so school just made sense. But that little tiny wild side in me wanted to expand and really change and go for it. "It" being my dream of modeling. All through high school, I was developing my look and my style. I would do local photo shoots and local fashion things and I was treated differently in school because of it. The "popular" girls weren't into me, partially because they thought I was full of crap, but also because I gave them a run for their money. I was pretty and myself, one of those things they couldn't be. The guys at school would make fun of me saying that I just thought I was a model and I was really just a regular white girl. Although I was in a sea of white girls, I knew I was different. It wasn't until after my eighteenth birthday in July that my life completely changed. After all the graduation madness, my mother and I had a few conversations over time about school and New York. I knew I wanted to be in New York, but I didn't know how to get there because I really didn't want to go to school. One day my mom walked into my room and said, "Why don't you just say screw it, get an apartment in New York and just do it?" As a mother you would think that would be the last thing she would say, but on that day, she completely changed my life. And I'm so grateful for that. I used my grad money to fund an apartment, I picked up extra shifts at work, packed all of my stuff, saved as much as I could, arranged plans with a friend in NY to stay for a week and booked my train ticket out. And I haven't looked back since. Sure there's times where I question if school is the right thing because I haven't "made it" yet, but I know I'm on my way. I met with a friend today who I met here in New York. We talked about how we envision our lives and the beautiful part is that our success and goals are already here, we just have to let time take its course and walk into it. And that's where I am now. I'm embarking on a new year, the last year as a teen, knowing that I am going to be stepping into a new year that furthers me into my success. If I could tell my eighteen year old self one thing now looking back on the year, it would be "just do it." Just like my mom said, that's the motto of life, just do it. Don't be afraid, fear is not real. What is real is your dream and the ability to go get it. It will be tough, but it's so worth it. My year as a nineteen year old will be about going for it, no holds bar and being my authentic self. Because when you're your true self, nothing can stop you. I'm so excited to know next year, my blog will be bigger, my career will be bigger and my goals will be more further accomplished. Can I get an amen?!?!