Young Love

What is love? Love is what makes the world go round, love is crazy, love is the greatest thing in life, love is the greatest gift of all. Those are the cheesy metaphors I could easily generate about love. What isn't so obvious about love is the effort and the complexity of it and what it encapsulates itself. I honestly don't know how or why love finds people, but it does. I look at my grandparents and think about how lucky they are to have found each other. My grandmother met the love of her life at 18 and has been with that one man ever since. It's a beautiful story. I look at myself and think of how much I want that for my own life. As I've told you guys before in a previous blog, I've been seeing a boy. It's been a tough thing for me to deal with because I battle with my own issues, that I don't want present in my relationship. My father and I have never been close. I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with him, but it would be foolish of me to hold a grudge. All of my life my father was in and out. He was never consistent and never really showed he cared or supported me. I loved seeing him when he came to my one soccer game or attended a high school performance once in a blue moon because it meant the world to me that my dad was there. But for all the other times, birthdays, Christmases and celebrations my dad wasn't there for, it was the worst feeling in the world. Every child wants to feel loved. And I felt like I was only getting half of the bargain. My mother and I have always been so close, but my father and I have never really connected. Partially because at a certain point I felt like giving up and partially because he just didn't make time or show up. I battled with a lot of issues going into puberty because it was a big transition in my life. I realized through counseling, my father does love me, but he is incapable of loving. Having love and loving are two different things. You can love someone and appreciate them, but not put in effort or really care. Or you can love someone, all of them and actively and continually put in the effort to truly show that this love is strong and apparent. Getting into this relationship was easy at first because it was just casual, dating. It got hard when it became more serious as time went on because I didn't want to blast these problems onto my partner. I don't trust most guys because my father never gave me a reason to. And the guys I do love have to really prove it, which can be tough because I'm stubborn. I don't want my pre-set trust issues and daddy issues to get in the way of what is working between us. Simply, I just need to give him a chance. And I am. Our current status is we are together, officially boyfriend and girlfriend. And he said "I love you." Now I'm not big on relationships, but I know that's a pretty big deal. But I love him too. It's a crazy and wonderful feeling, to be loved by a man who accepts my flaws and genuinely wants to continue a relationship with me and learn about me daily. It's also cool that I have someone else to talk to besides my mom. And I don't know why or how love chose me. If I had my choice, I would've loved a relationship, but at that time I wasn't looking for anything really. But just like all things in life I've learned, it's only up to God. What I've learned is that love is tough. Love is complicated. Love is patience. Love is optimism. Love is effort. Love is forgiveness. Love is consistency. And above all, love is amazing. My favorite movie of all time is Moulin Rouge. The best quote from the movie is something I will leave you with. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."