Getting Personal Part 2

I've taken a break from my blog for a little bit not only because I've been so busy (thankfully), but also because my life has been going through a lot of changes lately. Each thing that's changing definitely deserves its own post (which will be posted later FYI), but what's really sticking out to me right now that I want to talk about is very personal. My parents are getting a divorce. Yes it's sad and definitely upsetting for the family, but in this time that my family is falling apart, I've really started looking at my own strength. When I was fourteen, my stepfather and I would get into really heated arguments. And I'm not the kind of girl to just sit and take it, being a cancer means that I will fight until I'm blue in the face and my point is across. Whenever we would argue, I would always feel really weak after. Not only because I was the child in the situation, but also because my parents still had authority over me no matter how angry I was. Now being on my own, in a different state and away from my family, I feel completely different about the situation. If I was still at home, I'm sure it would affect me more and would make me feel weak. Because I'm on my own, I feel this overwhelming sense of not only maturity, but responsibility for taking care of myself and my emotions. When I called my mother on the day that the news broke, she just simply stated, "Um, me and Dana are getting a divorce." Silence followed by a simple "okay" on my end. In that moment rather than cry, get frustrated or upset, I really felt okay. I knew crying would only upset my parents more and crying wouldn't make anything better. I also knew in that moment that it was for the best. Of course I wasn't going to tell this to my mother, but I think she knew in the back of her mind that this could only be a good thing. Yes holidays are "ruined," families are divided and things will never be the same, but I've realized over the years that sometimes, it's the best thing in the long run. My whole life I've always battled with the idea of the perfect family. I was born into an un-perfect family.  I'm pretty sure we can all say that. From being young, I've always battled with the thoughts of, " why can't my family be perfect? Why can't my family be together?" When I hit high school specifically, that's when things really got worse. Not only was I sad because my family wasn't perfect like the rest of my friends, I also became resentful and angry. Towards my family and the world. After sports or a long day of school, I would hang out at my friends houses who had the mom and the dad and what appeared to me to be the "perfect" family. I would go home embarrassed and ashamed of what I didn't have. And for the longest time I always though, "why me?" A couple days after the news broke, my first thought to call anyone was my little brother. I talked to him two days after the news and I just asked him how he was feeling. It's different for a boy and girl, but no matter what, we're both children and especially when younger, life can most often feel like it's crashing down. I explained to Gregory that I knew exactly what he was feeling. And being eight years older, I advised him to always call me because I would know exactly what to say and how to solve the issue. That's when after the conversation ended between us that I realized why I "suffered" eighteen years of my un-perfect fate. To not only help Gregory, but to help anybody who deals with their brokenness. I reflect now after graduating high school of the families that I thought were perfect. Maybe their parents are together, but I have a bond with my mother that is un-breakable. And I would rather have at least one solid relationship that I can rely on than two parents who leave you feeling rocky when you're away from home. Being away from home and now experiencing this with my mother, I don't feel alone and I feel closer to her than ever. And that's the moral of the story. Family is not perfect. Life is not supposed to go how you want. Things come up that make you better. And your brokenness can be the answer to some one else's problem. Always remember, God gives what he knows you can handle. Thus far for me, it's been a whole lot!