The Time I Discovered My Backbone

 

Have you ever had an experience where you were into something that you thought was really great for you and then you left and afterwards you felt better than you thought you did before? This is a really long sentence, but more simply put, it's the idea that you leave and get better after the experience. This could be a job that you had that you thought was perfect for you and then you left and realized that life was better after that job. Or a relationship for instance, where you think you're in love and then you end it and you realize after that you're better now than when you were with that person. From these experiences you also take away a lesson. With your job it could be that you know now you want to be your own boss. With a relationship it could be you know now that you're more independent than you gave yourself credit for. For me, it's the lesson that I have more of a backbone than I realized and sometimes not having a plan is the best plan. Sometimes people can learn things without having to go through certain experiences, but I enjoy learning from things I've done. This kind of explains why I was good at school. But recently I experienced something that took awhile to get to. My friend and I started working together when I was 14 on modeling. He was the photographer and I was model. As we both got older, we both matured in our craft. I got better at improving myself and my modeling and he got better at photography. When he was old enough to move out he did, to New York City. I was only 17 at the time so I was still stuck at home. As he started working in New York, obviously more opportunity came his way. He started meeting new people, getting connections and kind of getting his name out there. Because of this, I was interested in getting some help getting my name (and face) out there. I started going to see some agencies and got a lot of rejection. I was so distraught and torn down, but still hopeful since I was still in high school in my hometown. Once it was my time to leave, I left and embarked to NYC. You obviously know how it's been going...crazy, but it's been a rocky, yet great experience thus far. When I first got here, him and I really started working together. He took some polaroid's and got me to more agencies, yet still more rejection. I was confused on what they wanted, but still hopeful and even now still hopeful. As I wasn't really getting anywhere, I saw on all social medias that my friend was getting all of this work, yet I was still at square one. And I never knew what he was up to, as he never communicated to me about the work he was getting and the connections he was making. As a matter of fact, he never revealed how he got his contacts or who he knew exactly. Some things that I could use to help me. Time kept going by and I was still at square one. His roommate, now one of my best friends, and I had a conversation about him and how shady he was being lately. The fact that we asked for help and are still at square one, yet it appears that our "friend" was at at least square two. Also how we both have seen agencies and got no results, yet he works with them "closely." Something wasn't adding up and I knew exactly what the equation was. Our "friend" didn't care about us, he cared about himself. And the "help" he was offering was on his own time and was obviously on the surface. Upon realizing this I couldn't help but think, what could he possibly gain by not helping others? I recently helped my friend get a job at my workplace. If I'm confident enough in myself and how I work, what does it matter if my friend works with me or not? If I know I'm good at what I do, it shouldn't be a problem helping others because even if they know what they're doing, I know that I'm still a good hard worker no matter what. I knew because of this realization, I had to break ties and that's what I did. Now looking at the situation (and writing this blog) I realize that this was only a lesson that taught me that I have a backbone and I can stand on my own. For the longest time, I thought I would be helpless getting my start in modeling without my friend, but now not even having a plan makes me feel better about myself than before. Sometimes not really having a plan, but rather just a goal and an idea is better. This kind of allows the freedom to let yourself live and know what to push towards. Rather than saying step 1, 2 and 3, you say this is what I need to do first, this should be second and this third. This wasn't the relationship lesson or a job lesson, but like all of them it was a life lesson. Something that I didn't know about myself before. Think back to an experience you once had and ask yourself what did you learn afterwards about yourself or you life that you didn't know before? You might be surprised by your answer.